Day 15

This night was ‘nasty talk night’ sex. I don’t know why it turned out to be that way, but it just happened. I like to talk like that, it turns me on and I know it turns him on. But I always think, how’d it come to this? Is it bad? is it good? Is it healthy? Is it normal?

I like to talk the nasty, but some rare sex sessions most of what I say is bullshit. I think it’s fun to say, and fun to think that I may think that way, but for the most part I don’t. I think most of it turns the husband on, and he usually eggs it on. But I always question if he wants to role play or really wants to talk  nasty.

For instance, making the threesome, with the Optical “glass’s girl” sales person, that we used to frequent, happen. Yes, she was the girl I wish I had the guts to be and look like. Tall with her 6 inch heel boots, skinny, short dark goth looking hair and face, with piercings in her ears and probably no where else, but other people assume she has them elsewhere. She’s single, lives on her own, no boyfriend, no kids, and I’m jealous of that. She looks like “Lizbeth” in “Girl with a Dragon Tattoo” trilogy book, not movie. We, as in me and my husband, like to imagine our own “Lisbeth”.

I talk of ‘glasses girl’ doing it with DH, as I have a hard time fantasizing doing it with her. I think she is beautiful, and I am somewhat turned on by ‘girl on girl’ action, but really not with the physical me. Maybe a little. I can’t say I would never do ‘girl with girl’ love, and I have fantasized about it in my mid to late twenties, but I’m not sure if I were to ever be put in the situation that I would choose it or end up doing it.

I watched “Sirens” in my mid twenties and that was the first time that I was turned on by girl on girl action. I had never thought about it before. I thought that I would really like 3 experienced women to play with me however they pleased and see what happens. I think that would be nice. I would probably have to be single, and the three women would have to be women I don’t know and super beautiful to me. That is probably not going to happen now.

I don’t want to have a three-some. And if I did, I would want it to be with me and 2 guys, and probably not my husband. I would love to be able to have sex with other men while being married and have it be okay. But it’s not. And I would most likely want sex with other men I care about, not just random men. How is that even possible? It’s not. I mean it is, if you make that happen. I love my husband and he would not be okay with me having sex with other men. As I would not be okay with him having sex with other women. Or would I? I don’t know, it may depend. I may not even care.

I do think that a marriage between 2 people is amazing and is really rewarding. But I am still not convinced that this is how it should be. I don’t think it’s natural to be with one person your entire life and all eternity.

With that said, DH and I had “nasty talk night sex”, and it was kinky, sensual, a turn on and fun.

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