Our Daily Sex

Archive for September, 2012

The days fly by! Busy with kids, work, & life…. I am actually writing this (And days 11 & 13) on Wednesday night because we have been so swamped that neither of us has written out our posts. I don’t even remember off the top of my head what happened on Monday during the day and into the evening. I am sure it was busy though because I do remember though that we had some fun sex at night…. late that night.

But the details are fuzzy. I am hoping that more come to mind as I write. I am remembering that I went to the store for groceries and made a monstrously huge batch of my famous fresh salsa for DW’s book club get-together on Tuesday. Then had to spend an inordinate amount of time doing dishes and cleaning up the mess.

I know was looking forward to getting in bed with my hot wifey and a little frustrated that we are getting to bed super late again. Worried that #3 will wake up early again, but thank God, he does not.

Things are finally finished up and we get in bed. We kiss and caress and fondle each other. I am aroused and half-erect but takes a minute longer for me to get totally hard. Not too long though. We are laying on our sides and I go inside her. She is nice and wet. She plays with my balls and between my legs, totally turns me on. Pretty soon, we are just about in “scissors” position and grinding against each other’s crotches. Her moans and sounds are getting me off in a big way. We fuck harder and faster and I cum.  It was not as strong as last night but pretty damn good!

She opts not to try for an orgasm again. I am a little bummed because I love being with her when she does. But it is now well past midnight and we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.

Yay! I went walking today. I don’t know how I got up and did it. I had about 3-4 hours of sleep, as I think my infant is getting his brother’s cold. And I had the middle kid get into my bed about 4 times to warm up and sleep. MK, middle kid, usually does this when he isn’t feeling well. He used to do it every night, but it gets less and less because I have had to tell him with the new baby that I need my sleep. It hurts me to send him back to his bed, since I know this stage only lasts so long, but I have to if I want to keep what ounce of sanity I have left. I love my boys.

I also went to weight watchers today. I meet up with a friend which gives me accountability. I didn’t want to weigh myself, but I did. I lost 1/2 lb. Wahoo! It’s a start. I was really good about writing down my points the first two days, then I got overwhelmed with reading my book for bookclub, and writing a blog entry daily, and having sex…and taking care of 3 children. I get 35 points a day because I am breast feeding right now. I got to about 70 points the first day and I stopped counting. I have probably been averaging 100 points a day these last few months and not even realizing it. I am so hungry with baby and tons of cravings. I don’t know how breast feeding moms lose weight while breast feeding! I only start losing weight after I stop breast feeding. And I don’t want to wait another year to lose the weight. I want to be at my goal weight in one year. Accountability works for me. Let’s see if the wawa (Weight Watchers) works like the sex accountability works.

I thought of every other option of trying to have book club somewhere else tomorrow night. I wanted to have bookclub at someone else’s house, an amazing cabin hook up, a hotel or the perfect restaurant. Nothing sounded right or felt good. It was a combination of cleaning my house, and having it in the basement of my parents house that sends me to thinking of other places. I love hosting parties and love hosting bookclub. And my bc has been here several other times. It’s just that I want my own house!!! I finally decided I was having BC at my house and to get going on the organizing and cleaning. It feels so good to have an organized house. Organized house, organized life. I always think when I have people over that I need to have people over more often. If I didn’t entertain, I would never have a clean house.

It was late again on the sex thing. Last night was good with kissing and a happy ending. I hoped tonight would be too. It was. We did some sort of scissor position which was fun and we hadn’t done in a while. I didn’t try for an orgasm, I guess just too tired. 🙁

Sunday was a great day. Hung out with the boys and watched Power Rangers in the morning. Made a mid morning brunch of super yummy Æbleskivers. Tidied up the garage and made a skateboard ramp for #1. Then, we took a Sunday drive into the hills to see the leaves changing color and had dinner at an old pizza joint on the other side of the mountain.

After this busy day ended, we got the kids shuffled off to bed and put #3 in his cradle swing out in the hallway so we could have a little privacy. We both finished up our day 10 posts and chatted for a little about the past couple of days.

I think we were both horny and curious to see how things would turn out with sex tonight. I was pretty positive and felt like I was pretty much over the mis-steps of the previous two days.

My cold-sore is now 100% healed up so there is no reason not to get right into some lip-mashing goodness.  We kiss and make out for a while, she tells me that it IS ok to touch her left breast and tummy and we joke about it a little. I am getting rock hard and totally turned on. So is she. She grabs my dick and plays with it, using it to rub her vagina and clit. This is totally turning me on even more. She puts me inside of her and we are fucking while kissing. I am totally into this and loving it. Did I mention I am turned on?

Then the baby wakes up and starts crying.

Try to block it out….. Nope….. Can I cum before he starts to scream? Nope…. Oh, tha pressha.

I decide that the best thing to do is get him taken care of and then we come back and work on cumming. Fast forward 30 minutes. Baby back in bed, me back in my lady. Things are feeling good again. We have some good sex and I have an explosive orgasm. It is late in the evening and she decides not use the vibe. We clean up and get back in bed. Back tickles and some good rest. Broken the losing streak. Kicked out the head demons and replacement referees. The world can begin to rotate again.

Hi, My name is DW, and I am a sex-aholic. I can’t stop this insanity of sex everyday. I want to, but I just can’t. There is a need in me to do this, and I don’t know why.

I am so inexplicably tired and overly tired and super tired. But I don’t want to stop having sex. DO IT, DO IT, DO IT.

Today was a beautiful day of ebel skiebers, or however you spell these delectable Danish pancake treats, and a fall canyon drive. The get-a-way to the mountains was much needed. We can stay in our little basement apartment and hibernate more than any human should sometimes. It was a sunny morning which I took advantage of and I took a walk alone with music blasting from Pandora. We had a few sick kids and stress from the week but chose to get a way, if just for a moment. It ended up being a little over cast and rained a bit on our drive which was glorious!

After the kids went to bed we wrote our posts and I am anxious to see how this night will roll. I am confident that it will end well, as there is good feelings had by all throughout the day. Plus, we need it to be good.

The sex is good, we are having fun, I am turned on and very wet. I can tell he is avoiding my breast area and say that it is okay to touch the left breast(as I only breast feed with the right breast now, I know, it is what it is) and also that he can touch my stomach. It was just a bad moment the other night which I didn’t like DH touching at the time. He touch’s me, and I like it, a lot. The baby starts crying, crap, just keep going! And finish! But no, I can tell some stress from the male partner, and he stops. I am bummed and think, “Oh no, another bad night”. We get baby fed and back in bed and start up again. It’s slow going but we get back in the groove. We are back on track! He orgasms, it’s a great finish, smiles on both our faces, we are good again. Aaaah. I leave it at that, and go to bed without trying to have an O. It’s okay, I had fun, I love my husband.

I was determined not to have a repeat of day 9. Although it was a slight improvement, I can’t say it was what I had hoped.

It was another busy busy day. Our niece and nephew had slept over with the boys the night before and combined with all of the Saturday kids’ sports events that we had to shuttle around to, it was a madhouse here. We never got a chance to talk about the night before and despite all of my intentions, once again it is not until late that we have time alone.

I hadn’t done my day 9 post yet so we sit together on the sofa. She reads her book club book while I start typing. It is hard to collect and write my thoughts about the experience. I start, erase, and re-start several times. A few times I consider just writing “It fucking sucked” and being done with it. But somehow, I manage to pull the words together.  I am only about halfway through the account when DW begins to put her stuff away, brush her teeth, and get ready to head to the bedroom. Dang it, I do NOT want to have sex in there again tonight.

I save my work and close my laptop just in time to catch her before she goes in. I propose that we stay out here where we can see each other, where there is no white noise CD playing, and where we don’t have to worry about waking the baby. To my relief she agrees and we head for the couch. But she turns out the lights anyway. I really want this to work out and I start out kissing her face, lips, and neck. I am trying to be sensual and “feel” it. But dammit, there is this entire area between her hips and her neck that I’m not allowed to touch anymore. I move my hands to her legs to caress. Suddenly I don’t know what the fuck I am doing. I am not getting any kind of physical response from her. I feel like I am fumbling around like a 14-year-old. It is totally dark and I can’t see what she is doing or if my clumsy efforts are feeling at all good for her. Cue the over analyzing, self-conscious and self debasing head game screenplay; and I just might be winning an Emmy for “Worst Tragedy” tonight.

She can tell I am blowing it though and pulls me in close to her. Our bodies are pressing tightly together. We kiss a little and things are really feeling good. I am able to get back into the moment and my penis is hard. I go inside of her and we start having slow, yummy sex. We are both really enjoying things and it feels wonderful. But somewhere in the back of my mind, there is this cancerous reminder of how the night before had gone and my inner demons are still watching the movie. It is the only thing getting in the way of the here and now and I can’t shut them down. I am suddenly worried that I am taking too long to cum and I am going to hurt her. I changed the way I was thrusting to try to get more sensation to my dick so I can cum but now it is causing her to dry out a little.  Now I am worrying about this too. Good fuck. What is my problem? I suck. Why can’t I just have sex? The pressure to perform (cum) is on again and my inner Siskel & Ebert are tearing me apart. I get very sad and my penis turns off. I feel totally, totally worthless and impotent.

We go to bed where we snuggle for a little while and I tickle her back. She can tell I feel bad and tries to make me feel a little better with a squeeze. The baby wakes up and needs to be fed. I go back to writing my Day 9 post and feeling like shit.

Fast forward to 3:30 AM. Baby has awoken a second time, been fed again, and put back down. The 60 minutes of sleep I have had so far tonight helped calm me and even though I am still feeling pretty fragile,  I am kind of horny. Although we did technically have sex it didn’t end well and I am hoping for some sort of closure.  In retrospect, I was just setting myself up for failure.

I debated for a minute on whether or not to suggest it and finally decided to go for it. I snuggle up close to her. “You wanna wanna?”  (One of our long-time code words for sex) Her response isn’t super enthusiastic. Crap. But she does turn over to me. She feels my penis. “You’re not hard yet?” she says. Double Crap. Why didn’t I try to get it up before asking the question? Here comes the pressure. She plays with my dick for a short while to help me out. My stupid ass psyche is back playing mind games on me again and my dick is not responding quickly. She stops. “I dont wanna do this.” and turns back over the other way.

God dammit. My self critic is back in full swing. I am a fuck up. All the sadness and disappointment of the past two days floods back in a rush. I walk out of the room and spend the next 30 minutes staring at the darkness on the sofa. For that moment, I feel like I will never be the same again.

Oh Gosh. Another night. I don’t know which was worse, day 9 or 10?

DH and I didn’t really talk about the night before. We were feeling bad and being nice all day, but we didn’t have a minute to chat. It was late in the evening again, and I wanted to get my post out before I forgot too much. DH worked on his post after I did, while I read my bookclub book. It got late and I decided to get ready for bed and was just going into our room to lay down and read some more and wait for DH. He grabbed me right before I went into our room and asked if we wanted to do it out on the couch. I said, sure, let’s do it!

I put a blanket on the couch and we laid down naked. DH avoids the upper half of my body altogether. I’m worried that I’ll say the wrong thing, and that I won’t be able to tell him what feels good and what doesn’t. I think he is scared he is going to touch me in the wrong places. He is having a go with the lower half of my body with his hands and gets right into the vagina area. I am feeling like it was an awkward first date and we didn’t know what we were doing and going straight for the prize. I grabbed DH and pulled him down on me to feel his warm skin on my skin and loved that we were just holding each other and rubbing ourselves together. It was luscious. DH started getting hard, I was wet, really wet, and he went inside of me. It was beautiful and yummy and I was really enjoying it. We were making love for a while and then I could tell he was getting worried. He was going faster which was drying me out, and he asked me if I needed some KY. I said no. I was enjoying it, I didn’t want the KY. I just wanted to keep going the slow pace we were going for a while and I am positive it would have ended well. It seemed stressful after the point when DH asked me if I needed KY. I guess it wasn’t going to work. We ended it. We went to bed.

AAAAH! This never happens!!!!  We never “don’t finish”. That just doesn’t happen. Again?! But last night and tonight was not a comedy of errors, it was just errors. Life lessons as I like to put it. We went into our room to go to bed. I thought maybe we could start again, but it just wasn’t the time.

After the 3:30am feeding, I am falling back asleep when I hear this whisper behind me saying “Wanna, wanna?” I think, “Seriously?! NOOOOOO! I don’t wanna, wanna!” I wake up and say “What?”, “Really?”. I think to myself that he was a sport the night before when I attacked him, so I say “Sure.” The difference is that he likes to be woken up to DO IT, and I do NOT like to woken up to DO IT. I play with his penis and am trying to get into it, thinking, this is going to be a while and I am so tired. It does take a while for him to get fully erect, and it never really happens. I am sure he knows that I am not totally into it. I finally say, “I can’t do this, I am sorry”. I turn over and go to bed. Damnmnn.

We talked for a bit about this today. We both feel bummed and don’t want these past two days to happen again. It can’t be perfect everyday. It never has been. That’s what a marriage is. Trying to make it work. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. The problem with day 9 was that is was doomed from the beginning, and feelings got hurt. Day 10, we were both worried and didn’t feel like we could be ourselves.

I think some sleep deprived sex maniacs were to blame for this!

Things can certainly turn on a dime. I still haven’t quite wrapped my head around what happened or how it went downhill so quickly. Looking back, it seems that the day was a bit off-kilter to begin with though so maybe it was doomed from the start. I was extremely stressed out all day with finances and work. Some things weren’t going well on a project for a client that I needed to get finished up so we can get paid. DW seemed constantly on edge.  And it probably didn’t help that by the end of the day we are both dead tired.

Despite all this, I was still enjoying the afterglow of day 8 and looking forward to getting things going. But I knew that with all the regular daily obligations, to-do’s, and kids it was going to be late again. Somehow we have to change that.

When we are finally alone (again in a darkened room with the baby’s white noise CD screaming in the corner) She is already laying in bed, naked and I strip and climb in with her. I am really wanting her and dying to kiss her. My cold sore isn’t totally healed yet so I can’t go for her lips. I come up behind her and snuggle up with my arms around her. I nibble on her ear and neck. There is a little spot on the right side just above her collar bone that is usually pretty sensitive in a good way and I go for that. She squirms and giggles a little but turns her body away. She tells me that she is probably going to need some K-Y today and asks me to get it. The request feels a little abrupt.

A few times during the day, I had tried to caress or reach out to DW with my hand or foot. Maybe I was little overbearing, maybe something totally unrelated was bothering her, or maybe it was all in my head, but it seemed that every time I did, she was a little irritated by it. This comes flooding back into my mind now and I feel a bit deflated. I get the K-Y and Lelo and bring them back to the bed. Lelo is in a silk bag so I open it first so that we don’t get K-Y on the fabric. DW sounds bugged that I am not opening up the ziploc baggie that contains the bottle of K-Y. It is pitch-black in the room and we need a little light so she can see where to put the drops on her vagina and clitoris. The light from Lelo’s LED isn’t quite bright enough so I have to get my cell phone and turn on the screen for more light. She seems to be getting more bugged by the minute. Turn the deflated meter a couple more notches but try to let it go.

She starts to use Lelo on herself and I lay next to her. I caress her neck and chest, and down her left breast. I am trying to stay clear of her sensitive right nipple, but when I get to her tummy she swats my hand away. What?? She says it tickles too much when I touch her tummy and that she gets major anxiety when I touch either of her breasts because of the sore right nipple. I get what she is saying about her nipple but am confused a bit because I have been caressing her in these other places for the past 7 days and it seemed like it was ok. I have been as careful as I can be not to touch the right nipple area, but now the left breast and tummy are off limits as well. We talk about it. She says it has been this way the entire time she has been breastfeeding. I don’t remember that. I try to salvage what I can of the mood and my libido by caressing her thigh but within a few moments, my hand is pushed away from there as well. I am now totally flustered and emotionally hurt. 🙁

But OK, so sometimes she just needs a little space. Sometimes it is distracting for her to have me caress her when she is trying to cum. I stop so she can focus on her… and because I am now at a complete loss as to what to do. Suddenly she stops and puts away the vibe. She is pissed.  “So you’re just done?” I ask. “Well, you’re not doing anything to help.” is the reply. What am I supposed to do when she doesn’t want me to touch her?? I don’t know what to say. And if I said anything, it would probably be the wrong thing and things will get worse. This bites. A minute later, the baby wakes up and starts to cry. I want to cry too.

Sometime in the middle of the night…. I wake up as she snuggles up to me and starts playing with my penis. It feels good and I instantly start to get hard. I feel happy that she still wants to do this tonight. I didn’t think she was going to touch me for a day or more and I had been certain that she didn’t want me to touch her at all.

I turn to face her and we embrace. I roll on top of her and she guides my penis inside. Despite this feeling SO good, I am still emotionally messed from earlier.  I try my hardest to push it all aside and just focus on the here and now. To just be in the moment and make love. It seriously feels so incredibly good to have her holding me and running her hands all over my body and my penis feels wonderful inside her. But the tip of my penis is totally numb. I am rock hard but I can’t feel anything there.  I clear out my mind, concentrating on the sensations.  I feel her hands on my body and her legs wrapped around me. I try several different thrusting positions, faster, slower, deeper, shallower. The pressure to perform is starting to make me self conscious. I realize that it isn’t going to get better. I should be ready to explode but instead I am starting to feel incredibly sad.

I tell her that I don’t think I am going to be able to cum. We stop. I can’t believe this is happening like this. I feel absolutely horrible and I am sure that she does too. She rolls over and I tickle her back for as long as I possibly can before sleep takes over. Tickling her back is one of the ways I say “I Love You.” I pray that she feels this right now.

A huge part of me thinks that we would never have sex if it wasn’t for me. That’s true. If I didn’t or don’t want to, we don’t have sex. But it is also true that if DH didn’t want to have sex we would not have sex either. He’s 1/2 the equation here. He has a say, too. For it, or against it.

I don’t know if it was a more tired day than others, the fact that I fell asleep sitting up in the couch with my mouth open at 4pm, which never happens, or that we finally got into bed at midnight. Tonight sucked. The whole thing was bad.

Same scenario as the night before, baby asleep in our room, white noise going, pitch black, completely perfect for a romantic evening, right? We are exhausted and I think, let’s just do this. I ask him if he just wants to go in me. He says, “Is that what you want to do?” yes… okay no. So I grab the LELO and have at it. Nothing. Then DH starts caressing me and starts with the breast area. Right now that is not a good place to start. I’ve told him a million times my nipples are on fire and have daggers living in them right now. I am feeling anxiety hoping that he doesn’t touch my nipples. Then he slides down to my tummy and that is super ticklish so I push his hand away. It was a complete natural response. It may have felt like I hit his hand away. Well, that wasn’t good. He stops touching me, it’s not working for me. I apologize and start to explain what was going on for me and that it was my issue and let’s get back into it. I may have pretty much killed the mood, so I stop the Lelo and turn over.

I guess we are not going to do it tonight. I was irate, pissed, mad at myself and mad at him. He doesn’t do anything to try to get things going again. He closes up and says nothing. He finally breaks the silence and says that he feels I don’t want to talk to him. Yes, I don’t want to talk but I am still in this commitment and want to have sex everyday. It’s important. Why doesn’t he try to start it up again? He knows I am in this. I started the sex. I said I was sorry and tried to maturely talk to him about what was going on with me, and not to do that again. It doesn’t mean that it is over. But nothing is said, he doesn’t respond, so I turn over. Pretty much what happens when we get in a fight. Typical. Lame. I’m hurt, and I am sure he is hurt.

The baby starts crying and wakes up, so DH gets him and I feed him. I think, well, after I feed the baby we’ll DO IT. Time will heal. Then the SNORE. It’s over, he is asleep, done for the night, not happenin’, nada. I am sad.

Next baby wake up call is at 3:30am. I feed him. I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept well all night since we didn’t have sex. Sick to my stomach. I’ve committed to something in my life right now, and I want to stick to it. Even if we are so mad at each other. Hate each other. What an experiment to keep having sex through all of that. HUH? Don’t you think? I was mad at him earlier in the day and thought, no way in hell are we having sex tonight. Maybe that’s what started this? Be careful what you say, you might just get it! I think it’s an awesome thought to have sex even though you don’t want to or are mad at each other. What happens to your relationship? Does it help? Hurt? Remove the hate and pain? Make you forget what happened? Even though I don’t want to have sex during those times of hatred, sadness and anger, I still want to have sex. We’ve never done this before. How great to try!

After I ask DH to get baby to his bed after second feeding he goes to the bathroom. Perfect. He won’t have to pee while having sex which usually distracts him. When he gets back to bed, he is instantly snoring. I tell myself 100 times to go wake him up to try to have sex. I finally get over there, about 4am. He moans with goodness that I am snuggling him. I start to caress him and play with him and get him hard. Believe me, this is not easy to do since I am still feeling mad and hurt. We turn over and he is on top of me, since usually this is the best position for him, and we go at it. I am wet,I AM WET and it’s feeling good and I am getting turned on. And from experience he loves me to wake him up in the middle of the night to have sex. He is always turned on . I know he is liking it, but he is not loving it. I can just tell that it’s probably not going to happen for him. But I think, no, eventually there will be a turning point. I ask DH if it is hurting him(like his back or knees), and he says no, but then he reveals that it’s not happenin’ for him and that he’s sorry.

Ouch. I am sad and hurt again. This never happens. I can remember one or two times that this has happened in our 13 year relationship. And it’s usually because we already did it that day, or his back is really hurting. Not because of a fight or that we were mad or hurt at each other. Hmmm….sad. It could be that it’s been 9 days straight of having sex. But I don’t believe that. His penis is mad at me.

I turn over and try to go to sleep. And I eventually do.

The evening started off simple enough. We are kicking back on the bed, finishing up our posts from the night before. We had the lights off because #3 was asleep in his crib across the room. Writing my post about day 7 was starting to give me a boner so I took off my clothes and played with myself as I typed. When I finished my post, I closed the laptop and we read our recent posts together on my cell phone in the darkened room.

I caressed her legs and labia and she started up Lelo. When my cock got hard, she asked if I wanted to go inside of her. I’m not going to turn down that invitation! As she massages her clit, I insert the tip of my penis into her warm vagina. I love the way it feels when I first enter her. The way she wraps around my dick so perfectly.  Yum!

For a while, we do this. She has Lelo massaging her pussy and I am slowly moving in and out of her. I play with my balls and run my fingers around her labia, across her thighs and up her torso to her breasts and perfect neck. We are pretty quiet, except for moans of pleasure here and there. Just the darkness and our bodies, and the feel-good nature of slow gentle sex. Then her moans get more intense and she cums. Her legs squeeze around my ass and her pussy pulses tightly on my dick with the contractions of her orgasm.

After she cums, I slide in deeper, feeling her clitoral mound pushing against me. The smooth and silky sensations are cascading like waves where we grind together. My penis is wrapped up in a blanket of lush softness. She feels totally relaxed and the little bumps inside her vagina tease my sensitive penis like nothing else. I am loving every second of this closeness and don’t want this to stop. I am falling into her whole body when my orgasm explodes. One of those intense, slow-motion explosions. The kind that carries you away into a dream that goes on forever.

But what I am really trying to say is: “Damn, that was good!”

Holy Shivers is right! You’d think that the 8th day would be boring but it wasn’t. We spent the night catching up on our last posts and reading each others previous posts. It got me in the mood.

The baby was asleep in our room with the white noise CD playing and it was pitch black. When we turned off our computers I put some KY on and I wasn’t sure I was in the mood, but I started with the LELO. It felt good, and I played around, while DH was playing with himself and playing around me. He put himself inside me and we went at it for a while. It felt really good with a lot of sensual feelings, loving feelings, and it was stress free. We didn’t care what we were doing or worried if it was taking a long time to cum.

I don’t know if it helped that it was pitch black so I had less inhibition of what I looked like? I don’t normally care about that, I always look sexy. 🙂 Or that we couldn’t hear one another with the white noise in the background, so we weren’t saying anything, we were just feeling. Pure sensations. I was doing my thing, he was doing his. We weren’t laughing. I was feeling good, he was feeling good inside me, and eventually I came. It was delicious and sensual and yummy.

I lay there, feeling the effects of warmth and satisfaction. I felt like butter melting into the bed. I know, haha, but that’s how I felt. Total deliciousness. I would do that again.