Day 13

Of all the nights thus far with the new baby, Monday night was the worst. Baby is teething and has gotten a cold from his brother and has snot running down his nose now. Baby boy was up every 45 min. throughout the night. I didn’t think it could get any worse. I am feeling things crashing around me. I am tired, exhausted and I am feeling a constant reminder of the commitment I made to myself and my husband, but mostly myself.

I was the host for my bookclub last night. We were organizing, cleaning, and making food all day in preparation for the evening. And all the while trying to juggle two sick kids and going to sport activities with the two oldest. Oh yeah, and some work for my DH.  Somehow I pushed through the day with several hours of sleep. I was too tired to go walking in the morning but not too bummed about it, and it happened to be raining. Excuses, excuses.

After a great bookclub, and the last of the ladies left by 12:30am or so, I knew what DH and I still had to do. Luckily I have the greatest husband in the world, and most people know this, but DH cleaned all the dishes and kitchen up while us ladies were chatting. So that was out of the way. But sex wasn’t. It’s sad that I have to get Sex out of the way. But it’s feeling like that these past few days. This is going to be a great test of endurance of body and mind.

We came to bed with baby asleep and white noise. We wrap our naked selves around each other and lay exhausted. I think to myself just before and during this snuggle at what a great thing to have promised to have sex everyday. Even if the sex doesn’t turn out right or we don’t finish, or we fall asleep in snuggle position, at least we made a conscious decision to think about each other in this way each day or night. To come, and not necessarily cum, together and be ONE. To turn to one another in bed and say, HI. To acknowledge the existence and give thoughts of intimacy towards one another, even if for a few minutes.

We snuggle and it is nice and comfortable and I want to fall asleep, but lying there naked we always start to touch each other or rub each other. And so we do. We are also able to KISS, which I love, it always helps with getting in the mood, which leads to rubbing or tickling etc, etc. We stay in the side position which is a favorite of mine, and I could stay like that, but we have to move on. We go to some sort of side position which is fun, and he ends up cumming with me thrusting a certain way.

I’m in the mood to have an orgasm, since I didn’t the last two nights. It’s so late and I’m so tired that I go for the vibrator. I don’t know why I think the vibrator is faster, because the LELO is NOT! So frustrating! I end up throwing the lelo down and getting up to take a shower. UGh. I reach the total climax of an orgasm ready to spill over about 15 times and then nothing, nada, no feeling, it’s gone, the feeling is gone. So I start over again, get vibe into a good position, relax, get in the mood, get into my body, get into my vagina, the process! One or two times I start to fantasize for a second or two, but that doesn’t work, get back to the feelings and how my clitoris is feeling. Okay, maybe just 10 ‘almost orgasms’, but it seemed like 100. I was done. Cuss the Lelo! I need a new vibrator! 1-800-walmart.

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