Our Daily Sex

Posts Tagged ‘couch’

I was determined not to have a repeat of day 9. Although it was a slight improvement, I can’t say it was what I had hoped.

It was another busy busy day. Our niece and nephew had slept over with the boys the night before and combined with all of the Saturday kids’ sports events that we had to shuttle around to, it was a madhouse here. We never got a chance to talk about the night before and despite all of my intentions, once again it is not until late that we have time alone.

I hadn’t done my day 9 post yet so we sit together on the sofa. She reads her book club book while I start typing. It is hard to collect and write my thoughts about the experience. I start, erase, and re-start several times. A few times I consider just writing “It fucking sucked” and being done with it. But somehow, I manage to pull the words together.  I am only about halfway through the account when DW begins to put her stuff away, brush her teeth, and get ready to head to the bedroom. Dang it, I do NOT want to have sex in there again tonight.

I save my work and close my laptop just in time to catch her before she goes in. I propose that we stay out here where we can see each other, where there is no white noise CD playing, and where we don’t have to worry about waking the baby. To my relief she agrees and we head for the couch. But she turns out the lights anyway. I really want this to work out and I start out kissing her face, lips, and neck. I am trying to be sensual and “feel” it. But dammit, there is this entire area between her hips and her neck that I’m not allowed to touch anymore. I move my hands to her legs to caress. Suddenly I don’t know what the fuck I am doing. I am not getting any kind of physical response from her. I feel like I am fumbling around like a 14-year-old. It is totally dark and I can’t see what she is doing or if my clumsy efforts are feeling at all good for her. Cue the over analyzing, self-conscious and self debasing head game screenplay; and I just might be winning an Emmy for “Worst Tragedy” tonight.

She can tell I am blowing it though and pulls me in close to her. Our bodies are pressing tightly together. We kiss a little and things are really feeling good. I am able to get back into the moment and my penis is hard. I go inside of her and we start having slow, yummy sex. We are both really enjoying things and it feels wonderful. But somewhere in the back of my mind, there is this cancerous reminder of how the night before had gone and my inner demons are still watching the movie. It is the only thing getting in the way of the here and now and I can’t shut them down. I am suddenly worried that I am taking too long to cum and I am going to hurt her. I changed the way I was thrusting to try to get more sensation to my dick so I can cum but now it is causing her to dry out a little.  Now I am worrying about this too. Good fuck. What is my problem? I suck. Why can’t I just have sex? The pressure to perform (cum) is on again and my inner Siskel & Ebert are tearing me apart. I get very sad and my penis turns off. I feel totally, totally worthless and impotent.

We go to bed where we snuggle for a little while and I tickle her back. She can tell I feel bad and tries to make me feel a little better with a squeeze. The baby wakes up and needs to be fed. I go back to writing my Day 9 post and feeling like shit.

Fast forward to 3:30 AM. Baby has awoken a second time, been fed again, and put back down. The 60 minutes of sleep I have had so far tonight helped calm me and even though I am still feeling pretty fragile,  I am kind of horny. Although we did technically have sex it didn’t end well and I am hoping for some sort of closure.  In retrospect, I was just setting myself up for failure.

I debated for a minute on whether or not to suggest it and finally decided to go for it. I snuggle up close to her. “You wanna wanna?”  (One of our long-time code words for sex) Her response isn’t super enthusiastic. Crap. But she does turn over to me. She feels my penis. “You’re not hard yet?” she says. Double Crap. Why didn’t I try to get it up before asking the question? Here comes the pressure. She plays with my dick for a short while to help me out. My stupid ass psyche is back playing mind games on me again and my dick is not responding quickly. She stops. “I dont wanna do this.” and turns back over the other way.

God dammit. My self critic is back in full swing. I am a fuck up. All the sadness and disappointment of the past two days floods back in a rush. I walk out of the room and spend the next 30 minutes staring at the darkness on the sofa. For that moment, I feel like I will never be the same again.

Oh Gosh. Another night. I don’t know which was worse, day 9 or 10?

DH and I didn’t really talk about the night before. We were feeling bad and being nice all day, but we didn’t have a minute to chat. It was late in the evening again, and I wanted to get my post out before I forgot too much. DH worked on his post after I did, while I read my bookclub book. It got late and I decided to get ready for bed and was just going into our room to lay down and read some more and wait for DH. He grabbed me right before I went into our room and asked if we wanted to do it out on the couch. I said, sure, let’s do it!

I put a blanket on the couch and we laid down naked. DH avoids the upper half of my body altogether. I’m worried that I’ll say the wrong thing, and that I won’t be able to tell him what feels good and what doesn’t. I think he is scared he is going to touch me in the wrong places. He is having a go with the lower half of my body with his hands and gets right into the vagina area. I am feeling like it was an awkward first date and we didn’t know what we were doing and going straight for the prize. I grabbed DH and pulled him down on me to feel his warm skin on my skin and loved that we were just holding each other and rubbing ourselves together. It was luscious. DH started getting hard, I was wet, really wet, and he went inside of me. It was beautiful and yummy and I was really enjoying it. We were making love for a while and then I could tell he was getting worried. He was going faster which was drying me out, and he asked me if I needed some KY. I said no. I was enjoying it, I didn’t want the KY. I just wanted to keep going the slow pace we were going for a while and I am positive it would have ended well. It seemed stressful after the point when DH asked me if I needed KY. I guess it wasn’t going to work. We ended it. We went to bed.

AAAAH! This never happens!!!!  We never “don’t finish”. That just doesn’t happen. Again?! But last night and tonight was not a comedy of errors, it was just errors. Life lessons as I like to put it. We went into our room to go to bed. I thought maybe we could start again, but it just wasn’t the time.

After the 3:30am feeding, I am falling back asleep when I hear this whisper behind me saying “Wanna, wanna?” I think, “Seriously?! NOOOOOO! I don’t wanna, wanna!” I wake up and say “What?”, “Really?”. I think to myself that he was a sport the night before when I attacked him, so I say “Sure.” The difference is that he likes to be woken up to DO IT, and I do NOT like to woken up to DO IT. I play with his penis and am trying to get into it, thinking, this is going to be a while and I am so tired. It does take a while for him to get fully erect, and it never really happens. I am sure he knows that I am not totally into it. I finally say, “I can’t do this, I am sorry”. I turn over and go to bed. Damnmnn.

We talked for a bit about this today. We both feel bummed and don’t want these past two days to happen again. It can’t be perfect everyday. It never has been. That’s what a marriage is. Trying to make it work. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. The problem with day 9 was that is was doomed from the beginning, and feelings got hurt. Day 10, we were both worried and didn’t feel like we could be ourselves.

I think some sleep deprived sex maniacs were to blame for this!

I spent all day today (Sunday) looking for an opportunity to get my lady alone so we could get it on before the day was over. But the Universe said “Maniacal Laugh! Mua ha ha ha ha!” Just like yesterday, it was non-stop kids. But hey, at least their room is now clean for the first time in six months!

We got home late from Sunday dinner at DWs sister’s house, got the kids in bed, and collapsed on the sofa to chart out the boys’ football and baseball schedules on the calendar and write our blog posts for yesterday. I am hoping that somehow that we can get a chance to “do it.” DW whizzes through her post and disappears into the other room before I am halfway done with mine. I guess I write too much!

Suddenly, she reappears with a fleece blanket and Gigi! SCHWING! My dick almost punches a hole through my laptop. Fuck Yeah!

Have I mentioned that I LOVE watching her cum? There is very little else in the world that turns me on more than this. Within seconds my clothes are on the floor and I am sitting on the couch next to her. I caress her legs and thigh and run my fingers around her labia as she inserts Gigi into her vagina. After a moment of looking for her elusive G-spot, she decides to focus on her clitoris instead. Within another moment, she is arching and moaning with pleasure. I massage the entrance to her pussy and inset my finger inside. Feeling the bumps just inside the entrance and the wetness dripping around it. She uses Gigi for a little longer tonight but then her legs and her whole body tense and release and tense again and she cums.

My dick is rock hard now and aching to be inside her. I climb on top and she grabs my cock, rubbing it around her labia and over her clit a few times before guiding it into her pussy. She is tight. But wet and with a some of the Lelo Lube still on her from earlier, I slide in easily. Her pussy is wrapped around me and every inch of my cock is inside of her. Our position on the shorter of our couches makes it a little harder for me to get the right pressure points but she starts kissing my neck and shoulders, which sends my senses into overdrive. My God, I am turned on! She grabs my ass as I thrust and grind into her, harder now. I explode with four or five shots of ecstasy and shudder as the orgasm subsides.

We chat in the shower afterward about how if we hadn’t committed to this, we probably would not have had sex for the past three days. If you read the posts you can tell why! Life just gets in the way a lot. OR at least, people think that life just gets in the way a lot. It would be SO easy to just say “I am too tired. we can just do it tomorrow.” And then probably say the same thing again after tomorrow slaps us in the face.

Putting our experiences in writing and knowing that we have a commitment to do this every day and there is some sort of accountability involved is making us follow through and adding an extra level of excitement to the whole thing. This sex-every-day thing is pretty great!